Brother
by Temperley
Summary: Definition: Male offspring having both parents in common with another offspring; a male sibling. Loki is not adjusting well to life back in Asgard - there is one lie he can't shake, no matter how hard he tries. Violence. No slash. One shot.


**_"Brother."_**

It is the one word that burrows into his heart and infuriates him at the same time because he doesn't understand it any longer.

It once meant home, love, and belonging. Now it means lies, lies, and more lies. It means exactly the opposite of what it should. So even though he is back _home_, with _family_ that say they _love_ him, he still doesn't understand it.

If there is one thing in his life that is constant, it is Loki's need to _know_, and this word continually baffles him. It makes him feel as if he is still falling headlong into the unknown. A dizzy twisting that leaves him out of control.

Loki must have control.

Thor keeps using that word, and it is infuriating. Loki knows the other means it as an endearment - to show that nothing has changed (in his mind) between them, and this makes it even worse. Every thing has changed, and Loki, as much as he wishes Thor would come to this realization and *see it,* is perhaps secretly comforted that he doesn't.

But this is a secret he will not dare admit even to himself.

Admitting to that kind of need, that kind of weakness makes him nauseous. It puts him on the offensive. It makes his tongue sharper, and fans the smoldering fire deep inside him. He can feel it, like a coiled snake in belly, preparing to strike. So he keeps to his rooms, to the library, avoiding contact. He is a shadow, a whisper of cloth, or dark movement in the corner of the eye.

At first it is only his mother that visits him, bringing his favourite treats from childhood, and speaking in soft tones how much she missed her second son. Loki wants to believe it, from her mouth he truly does, but he chokes on bitterness and can't give even his foster mother a kind word.

He often sits in silence.

Eventually Frigga stops visiting. Loki grows colder.

Odin seeks him out only once. Their meeting is formal, their speech so stilted that it dampens the angry fire in Loki's heart. Odin tries to explain himself one more time, to make his son understand that for whatever reason he took Loki in the first place, he has come to love Loki as if he were a son of his own body. Loki will have none of it, so he laughs, loud and hollow, drowning out any other explanations his foster father has prepared. Odin shakes his head and quietly leaves. Loki doesn't see the hurt on Odin's face - again, all he hears are the lies.

Thor is like an irritating burr one can't quite reach and remove. He has a strange knack of finding Loki when he is at his most moody and vicious. Again and again, Thor calls him brother - it is a part of his vocabulary, and his preferred way to speak of Loki that makes the anger rise again. The coldness that had held Loki so taunt and distant, that he allowed to cover his heart when speaking to his parents, is chipped away and melted by a rising fury.

How dare Thor act as if all is well, and every thing is now back to the way it once was? Can't he hear the whispers, see the glances and looks of displeasure from everyone? The more Thor calls him brother, the more he shares that incandescent smile, and the more time Loki spends in his presence-

Loki becomes listless. His normal pursuits don't hold his attention the way they should. He used to be able to drown out the darkest thoughts with fervent study. Instead he begins to wander his old haunts, the secret passages he discovered in his adolescence, and places he and Thor used to play when they were children.

When the lie was still the truth.

When they were still brothers.

It's another tie that's fraying; the very last, the one that Loki used to prize above all.

Thor has found him again, inviting him to walk in the gardens. He uses that smile, but today it seems brighter than usual. Loki is feeling especially ferocious so he matches Thor's smile with a wicked grin of his own, and gestures for Thor to lead the way.

They walk for a short time before finding the lush space Thor is looking for. He and Loki once played there as children: hide and seek. Loki used to hide and Thor would laugh and trample through the bushes searching for his brother. It is a happy memory that Loki immediately crushes and buries. Thor chatters ahead, talking almost nervously as Loki stalks silently behind him.

When Thor stops speaking he gains all of Loki's attention. They stare at each other - once brothers and friends, but now certainly less, and it is that uncertainly in their relationship that they both keenly feel. Thor shuffles his feet almost nervously and favours the other with another bright smile. Loki rolls his eyes, but otherwise remains still, with a guarded expression on his pale features.

Thor steps forward to place his hand on Loki's shoulder, but the younger man quickly steps back. If there is one thing that is even more abhorrent to him now than before the fall, it is physical contact. He warns Thor not to reach for him again, and Thor reluctantly agrees.

More silence passes as Thor tries to find the words to express how he feels. Though he tries to be friendly with Loki, their obvious division saddens his heart. He feels that if only he could find the right thing to say, his brother would return to him. But Thor has never been one for words - he always left that to Loki and now he is unarmed as he tries to break through Loki's armour. Action is the only language he is fluent in, so despite his reservations, and Loki's warning, Thor grasps his brother by both arms, attempting to hold him – to make him see reason. He expects retaliation, and Loki fulfills it. The flash of green magic throws Thor across the entire clearing.

Loki advances towards Thor, who blinks quickly and tries to clear his head. The strike packed more of a wallop than he was expecting, leaving him slightly disoriented. When Thor's vision clears he finds Loki standing above him, his smooth features twisted into a dark scowl.

"Brother, I-"

Again. That _**word**_.

Thor doesn't get the chance to finish. Loki's fist slams into his jaw, knocking the world sideways. Thor's forgotten how strong Loki can be, but is quickly reminded as the slighter man strikes him again and again until Thor's mouth is filled with blood. Loki is furious, his green eyes wide with anger with his lips pulled back from his teeth. Loki's fingers tingle as his magic rises up to meet his temper, but he continues to pummel Thor with his fists because it's that much more satisfying to beat Thor with his own hands. In the end, he grabs Thor's long blond hair, raises his head, and slams it into the ground. Thor sees stars, but manages to stay conscious.

The flash of fury burns itself out just as quickly as it came, leaving Loki panting as he still straddles Thor. The absence of that smoldering heat he had been tending for months leaves a hollow space in his chest.

Thor wipes the blood from his mouth; he's had worse beatings on the battlefield but to be on the receiving end of Loki's madness is something that lays him low for the second time. Absently he thinks that he needs to stop putting himself in chaos' path. The thought soon slides away when he opens his unswollen eye to look at his brother.

Loki is facing him but his gaze is distant, turned inward, and his breath comes in hitched gasps. His face holds an expression that Thor has seen before - it's the same forlorn and lost look Loki had as he hung from the ruined edge of the Rainbow Bridge. Panic flutters in Thor's chest as the image of his brother falling out of reach replays in his mind's eye. Again, Thor reaches for him, but this time instead of violence, Loki allows himself to be touched. His gaze refocuses in stages, until Thor can see the glittering orbs centre on him.

"I hate it when you call me that," Loki whispers.

"I know," is all Thor says from behind sore, split lips.

"Why? Why do you keep calling me that?" Loki wants to understand, he _needs_ to know why this, above all other lies keeps chasing him. He leans close over Thor, palms braced on the other's broad chest. If there is another lie under this one, he will see it in Thor's eyes.

"Because it's what you are," he says simply. "What you always will be."

"I'm not your brother. I never was." It is an old practiced line, but this time Loki says it without the usual venom. Without the simmering fire, he hasn't the strength to make the words truly sting.

"Yes, you are," Thor counters gently, placing a broad palm on his brother's shoulder. Loki searches Thor's face, almost wishing to find a telltale sign of deception, but there is none. Loki's eyebrows knit in further confusion.

"Loki, you must accept this. I care about you, as I do no other. Love makes you my brother."

"Love will be your undoing," Loki replies swiftly. The silence that phrase brings hangs heavy in the air. Loki slips from Thor's hold and sits cross-legged beside him. He is hunched over, bruised hands hanging limply across his knees. Thor wipes more blood from the side of his mouth, and sits up slowly. A quiet smile is on his lips, and a bright light in his eye.

"So be it."


End file.
